Hanging by a moment

I am still gasping, short of breath and short of words. There are some incidents in life that just defeat you, your wit and your will and by some extent even your fortitude. There are times when each one of us has thought about leaving it all – the struggles, the web of relations, the aspirations and the perspiration, the vicious circle called life. It’s not worth it, believe me.

In everything I write I try to make a plot and to describe the incidents in a systematic manner but this is one time I am out of my mind. This incident is worth everything I have ever lived for. During my train journey today, I happened to notice the T-shirt of my neighbour. When you read something like ‘MIT’ with its logo on someone’s clothes, being an engineer you do tend to notice. The guy had just returned from MIT after a research trip sponsored by IISc Bangalore, as I came to know after a short chit-chat.

We had a brief discussion about his research papers (Of course I didn’t have a clue) and how it would impact the modern astronomy. Suddenly he shook my hand and said, “Be a friend forever. My ‘forever’ won’t be threatening”, with a sarcastic smile.

“How is it going?” I asked, “You seem to be doing great. Wassup in life; family and friends, things like that.” “Had a break-up the day before”, he said with a grin, “I loved her since we were sixth graders. She meant everything in my life.” “Girls!”, I said,” You can never understand what they want. Who would leave a gentleman like you!?” “I begged her to go away. It actually was the only option left, just didn’t want her to see my last.” I was baffled, rather stunned into silence but my face was like a big question mark. He continued, with a smile, “Actually, I suffer from nervous disintegration. My nervous system is disintegrating itself. I was doing my intern at IISc when my doctor called me up and told me that I had ‘six more months to go’ and I have passed three of them. So, effectively, I am left with 3 months of life.

Life – suddenly the term seemed magnanimous. I just found myself so small. As a kid I always planned things for myself, would become an engineer by 22, MBA by 24, would work for a firm for some time, say 3 years, gain some experience, join an MNC with a big price tag by 27 and be an entrepreneur myself by the time I am 30 and here I was, beside a man, 25 years in age and with three more months, to ‘live’. I said, “These doctors here are misleading. Why don’t you get yourself checked at a better facility?” “My visit to MIT was more of a medical encounter at their medical facility. The way in which they are better is that they give the exact number of days in which the total disintegration will occur at the current rate”, he said, with his smile.” “Do you believe in God?” I asked abruptly. “Yes, I do”, he said. “Have you ever cursed Him”, I asked, not in my senses but anguish. “Curse Him for what – for this beautiful day I woke up to, for my sweet sister who just keeps asking, “Bhaiya! When are you taking me to America”,  for my mother who calls eight times a day only to make sure that I had my meals at time or for this beautiful life, which has a new meaning every passing moment”, he answered, still wearing his smile.

After a silent passage, the train went into a tunnel and this time, with his emotions riding high, he said, “We all are in the tunnel, just that I am closer to light. When you enter the tunnel, you wish to go fast and get out as soon as possible. That is what happens to us when we are kids; we want to grow up very fast. As we grow, the darkness around us maligns us and it seems as if we belong to the darkness. When our eyes get accustomed to the dark, suddenly the light seems unpleasant. That is why no one wants to die.”

“I just wish I had this charm in my thoughts. I am afraid I must not ask you this but what have you been into in the past 3 months?” I asked. “Arre nothing yaar! Just tried to get things in order, tried to wake up early and exercise as my father always said. Then swim, run, play table tennis, everything in order as I ever wished it to be, tried a hand at piano and tried my hardest to finish my project. In the meantime I learnt the adventure of fighting time, the beauty that every moment unfolds. This actually has been the best time of my life”, he said, with his usual charming smile.

“Let me tell you something, there’s this line I read somewhere, ‘You have never seen this day. You have never seen the beauty this day holds. Just because it rained yesterday and the ground is flooded, does not mean that you’re going to get wet today’, and I got it printed on my card. This time has taught me to live in the present, the past is gone and future is something I don’t care about”, he said, handing me the card with a proud smile. I am not one of those ‘sobster’ kinds but I had my eyes wet.

He got down in the next station. I was left barren, without a thought, without a word, just with a card that read, “All good things must come to an end.”

This incident is very close to my heart and shall ever remain so. As soon as I entered my room, I decided to pen it down, to share it with everyone because this day is beautiful as is our life.