Satanic Verses


After all the batter I received from my father, I finally decided to give it a go. “Study”, I thought, “Change is essential for every individual and after two years of engineering why not be a part of one; study.” Once upon a time I used to study. I really did. Now don’t give me that look! Believe me; I did study to get into this college. What I did after that is another story altogether.

It was about some induction machine or a dynamo but what I ‘actually’ remember is that as soon as I finished the first page I began feeling extremely drowsy. Suddenly, a flash of light woke me up. It was in line with my nose and amazingly produced sound and it opened its account with, “Hey dude! Howz ya doin?” I was bedeafened, dumbfounded, flabbergasted and dumbstruck to say the least! I tried to touch the light but it moved away and here it began,” Hey kid!  Stay away from me. I am God.” I was like,” What crap! You better go to Baba Ramdev then. He has been searching for you big time; or for black money, nobody knows actually”, in a manner to show that I wasn’t overawed by its presence and that I knew it was a prank.

As it turned out in a while, I ‘actually’ was confronted by ‘GOD’ and it was nothing but a bright point mass which moved away from me whenever I threw a hand at it and made me look like a lame duck with its comments. Well, I gathered my senses and began firing questions. Hence began our conversation,

ME: If you, actually, are God then why didn’t you go to those 7 billion thirsty hearts that keep praying day and night? Why me!?

GOD: Look kid, I am God, almighty as you people say, alright but I like to have my own space. People like those you mentioned – the babas, the sadhus; they all are after me. It’s like they’d arrest me if they have a warrant. They just keep calling even though they profess of my omnipresence. I like laid-back kids like you, useless and aimless, who live, without any reason, but let live.

ME: Enough! I can’t bear it anymore. Why didn’t you come in blue face with a bow and arrow or a flute or something like that? And why are you talking to me like a basketball dunker? I mean where are the Godly etiquettes?

GOD: Dude! I exist the way I do! Not the way you people painted me and I talk to people the way they are. I mean I would talk crap to an asshole like you. Actually, I came here to relax because I knew you wouldn’t even have the questions to ask. You never thought of me all your life.

ME: You want questions! Why don’t I have a girlfriend? That’s a tricky one!

GOD: Kid, you’ll never grow up! Will ya? There would actually be a thousand reasons for you not having a gf. Look at you, with that face of yours even superman powers ain’t getting you nothing :P Jokes apart, the main problem is – ‘girls’. I designed them but just lost the architecture plan. Even I remain confused about what they like and why. I plan to figure it out in the next billion years.

ME: You came all the way down here, only to insult me?  Now tell me when will India lift the football world cup?

GOD: Son no insults from now, nothing, please ask something else.

ME: You gotta answer that :P

GOD: You bloody little whippersnapper! How did you find a question that would outlive even me!? Ask sensible stuff or I’m gonna leave in no time.

ME: Achha2! Keep cool....talking ‘bout the sensible stuff, just tell me your thoughts about the Lokpal Bill.

GOD: Oh No! Not again! Boy, I came to you because I thought you knew nothing about that. Screw these news channels:-x

ME: Why did you invent Google?

GOD: Mate! Even I have some questions unanswered! Last 5 questions kid....

ME: God, may I ask you a question?

GOD: You just did.

ME: Oh, right. Can I ask you another question?

GOD: You just did.

ME: Argh! How many questions do I get?

GOD: Five. You have two left.

ME: What!?

GOD: What what?

ME: Why do I only have two left?

GOD: You don't. You don't have any left now. Bye.

“OMG”, I said and He just stopped, “Lemme go kid! No OMG’s please!”


P.S – Please take it in the right/light spirit and don’t get emotional about Baba Ramdev or God.

Comments

  1. Udayan June 24, 2011 at 10:11 AM

    LOL :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aviral SrivastavaAugust 10, 2011 at 12:56 PM

    sahi hai ganje... keep posting and i'll be looking forward for more.. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Srivatsa YRKDecember 1, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    A very good description of god, and a better one of girls. Pretty funny. Thank the media for letting all these 'tricky' question\s onto our minds.

    ReplyDelete
  4. omiFebruary 2, 2012 at 2:56 AM

    Awesome sense of humor be! Keep writing and also I loved the way you brought out the 'wrongs' in the way we look at God..Personally, I believe God is something (someone?) which can keep you inspired in your low times..you can find someone/thing you can always go back to and to some extant lets you focus to elevate your spirit..(Too long I guess :P ) but lovely post! This one I just loved!!

    ReplyDelete

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